The Sensitive Child

Sometimes my son's sensitivity blows me away. Maybe it's because he's so much a "boy" - rambunctious, laughing, climbing, all of that stuff. And he does all of that well. He's into superheroes at 3 like nobody's business.

Then again, he recently balanced that out with a touchingly sweet (and amusing) observation about himself: "Daddy, I want to be a girl". "Why do you want to be a girl, Zach? You're a boy, and a wonderful one at that". "But I really, really LIKE girls!"

Zach has the ability to straddle both sides of a personality, in a way that I really admire, and wish I could be more like. He's so emotionally open, and emotionally giving, that it's a constant inspiration to me. I'll confess that I don't know kids very well, in general (though I know my son through and through). But he often says and does the most amazing things, in terms of being "present", and being concerned about people and their feelings.

Today he had a playdate with his friend Vir, who is moving to India in three days, out of Zach's life forever (though Zach doesn't fully grasp that). They're playing together, and Zach stops and asks, "Vir, are you having a good time at my house, Vir?". Vir says he is. Zach thinks for a minute and he says, "Vir, I'm really going to miss you, Vir". Vir just smiled his big, infectious smile, but didn't respond; he's a bit younger than Zach, so he may not be mature enough to respond in kind to that.

It just blew me away though, just how much Zach wants to connect with people. He's constantly reaching out to people, often in ways that are socially uncomfortable. He'll tell a total stranger to watch what he's doing, or tell them about his new Spiderman shoes. Yeah, kids do that kind of stuff, but Zach has this way of trying to include everyone, and be a part of everyone's lives, that's just heartbreakingly beautiful and tender.

It's part of what makes the marital separation all the more painful, because it flies in the face of Zach's very most basic character traits: inclusiveness, connection, openness, and love.

That kid has so much love. I pray he never loses that, and it terrifies me that he might.