Reality as Imagination

Zach is coping with the loss of family stability in his life, in so many ways, even though he's doing a marvelous job of retaining his happiness, openness and personality. 

While taking a walk tonight, Zach turns and says, "I won't want Momma to died". I immediately stop, go down on one knee and ask Zach if he needs a hug. "Zach, Momma's not going to die. Why are you afraid she's going to die?". "I just don't want her to die". I give him a big hug, reassuring him that she's not going to die. 

Ironically, later that night, Zach wanted to look at pictures of Momma as a little girl. We're paging through a photo album, and then come across photos of her own mother, who passed away around 9 years ago. Far too young to die, of a freak blood condition that was left untreated by a hospital, leading to her very unnecessary death. Zach hasn't really heard much about her up until this point, but of course, I had to address the fact that she had... died. Thereby invalidating exactly what I had been telling him an hour earlier, saying that Mommas don't die. Because sometimes they do. My own mother died when I was 6 1/2. 

Driving home, Zach then said that he wanted Momma to be a little girl. "I want Momma to be a little girl, and I'll be a little boy, and you'll take care of us". I asked him if he wanted this so we could all be together. "Yeah... actually, I want you to be a little boy and me to be a little boy, and Momma will take care of both of us". Clearly, Zach was trying to work out a way in his own head for all of us to be together. If it can't happen in real life, he would prefer to imagine an alternate version of life where we are a family again.

He also said that he loves me even when I’m a potato that’s being cooked. So take that for what it's worth.

Where Does It Go?

The developmental stages of a child are just mind-blowing. Every time period brings something new and exciting, and it just keeps getting better, blah, blah, blah. All truisms, all cliches, yes.

But there's this subtle difference between seeing your kid do something you've never seen them do before - climb a tree, slide down a pole, open a jar, whatever - and one of those moments where you see in 1080p HD how it's not just these physical and intellectual changes, but these titanic shifts that reveal an internal life and imagination that's just stunning.

I was picking Zach up from day care (he starts pre-school in 2 weeks - such a big boy!), and when I pulled across the street, I saw him in the play area, marshalling his two friends, Ella and Vir. He was explaining that Spiderman has a "worst enemy". Mighta been Sandman, mighta been Electro, I don't know. But he was so passionate about it. It mattered so much, and he explained a game that they absolutely HAD to play involving Spiderman and his worst enemies. And his friends were riveted, really listening, and really envisioning it too. Then they ran around in circles, yelling "escape!" over and over and over.

So it's clear that the shift from active play, to imagination, to truly creating other worlds is taking place right now. In fact, it's all he's interested in at the moment - fantastical creatures and other worlds - that it's apparent that his mind isn't just growing and developing... it's expanding.

How remarkable is that? Doesn't it feel like there's a natural inflection point in our own lives, where our imaginations stop expanding? Like our brains just have to focus on the existing, the coping, the succeeding, the loving, the working? What about seeing other worlds? Zach sees other worlds in his mind right now, and I don't think he really did 6 months ago. Sure, he did a lot of amazing stuff, but it was somehow more contained, more linear.

To watch that is utterly captivating and inspiring. I sat in my car, watching from 30 feet away, the moment only ruined by Vir spotting me and saying, "Zach, your daddy's here". Zach looked my way, lit up, and yelled "Dan!".