Moments to love and hate

Having taken in a good amount of wine, finally decompressing after midnight to a Chris Rock special (no, not exciting, but it's parenthood...) and hearing the door creak open. Zach shuffles down the hall in his Spiderman pajamas. He puts out his arms, saying, "I needed a hug because I miss my daddy and my momma."

It's so beautiful, and somehow so sad, at the same time. He curls up like a monkey in my arms, nestling into my shoulder. He feels so, so perfect there. Fits exceptionally well. But the nagging thought... why did he need this at this point? Was this a natural childhood moment...? Or is this a hole that remains unfilled, that he's reaching, he's calling, he's begging to be filled?

A hole that I can't fill.